*Of phases

It always amazes me how the needs/wants of the human being changes with age. How just the basic food, water and shelter that our predecessors yearned for and were so contented with just does not satisfy our insatiable appetites (or constantly wavering appetites) anymore.

As an egg and forming foetus in your mother’s womb, all you needed was nutrients and warmth, all of which was supplied directly into your blood.

Then, as a baby, all you needed was milk and your mother’s touch, naturally the majority of us got that too.

After that as a toddler, all it took were simple games and activities that can be repeated repeatedly and you never got tired of to keep you perfectly contented.

In the early school going age, we were ecstatic when we received stickers or small simple tokens (sweets, games…)

In the pre-pubescent age, we were perfectly contented with material things that gave us an identity that of us growing up and becoming a teenager ( new bag/your 1st cell phone perhaps in today’s context).

In your teenage years you yearn to be recognized to belong, to be seen as a respected individual and not a kid anymore.

And now comes the turning point. Where you’re at a point that you’re forced to make big decisions. The parents refuse to aid your decision-making when you want them to, saying you’ve got to learn to be on your own, but in retrospect still pull restrictions to some extent. They want to let go, but are still learning to let go of the long-held ropes slowly. They pull back sometimes, in fact plenty of times choking you, making the tension between both parties ever tighter. They try to placate you with materials things. Somehow it does not work anymore, tired of having to fake reactions and emotions that are expected of you. Thus, causing even more tension.

I’d like to continue through to adulthood and death. But I’m still stuck at the above point. Pray I’ll be able to feel my way through this.

Oh this tug-o-war is tiring me so.

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I keep having conversations in my head with myself at work these days. my hands know what they have to do on their own already and have developed like a second brain, thus, allowing my main brain to have conversations with itself. sometimes it drives me insane, i've had so many questions about virtually everything. most of the questions dont have answers to them.

I've got to stop thinking. i miss the days where i didnt think as much.